Assertiveness training Edinburgh Glasgow.

Holistic Therapy & Personal Development Services 


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Fellows of the Society of Holistic Therapists & Coaches

About Us:

Professionally Registered
Qualified to real standards
Adhering to NOS
Dedicated to Ongoing development
Adhering to codes of ethics
Involved in training provision
Therapists with Supervision access
First established 1993

Welcome to Scotland's Premier Therapy and Holistic Personal Development Site

'Therapeutic care & Personal Development - The solution to your problems is in you'

BoatBeing Assertive

To understand what being assertive is, you need to consider the alternatives!

1. Being "passive": Here the person is submissive, downtrodden and does not stand up for themselves. Often this is because they feel "held down" by someone else.

2. Being "aggressive": Here the person is the one taking control over others. Often considered a "bully" or dominating over others.

3. Passive aggressive: Here the person is a deliberate "victim" who uses that victim status or martyrdom to control or manipulate others. There are numerous variations of this type. One variation is the person who deliberately appears hopeless and weak so that other people do things for them.

Assertiveness is the natural "adult" condition where we stand up for ourselves and our rights, while also treating other people with the respect we expect for ourselves. We are neither submissive or dominating of others, and we take responsibility for our needs and actions, and are therefore not manipulative either.

What can present a natural assertive state? 

Typically people "learn" to have the wrong state (passive, aggressive or passive-aggressive). This happens when:

1. They learn they get a benefit from that state: for example by being weak and hopeless they learn family members run around after them and give them attention, thus learning to be passive-aggressive.

2. They learn to be a certain way in order to survive, and then get stuck in that state. For example an abuse victim may have learned to "fight back" in order to survive, but may then get "stuck" in an aggressive state of mind.

Therapy options

Everyone has a different story to tell when dealing with these behaviours and states. It is essential that the therapist has a "toolbox" with different models, tools and methods that can be applied as needed.

Typically counselling skills related methods work well for addressing underlying story and causes, Transactional Analysis therapy works well in analysing and redesigning relationships between people. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy /Coaching is usually effective at looking at why the client perceives people and situations to be a certain way, and choosing new better outcomes and behaviours.

Motivational Interviewing (MI) methods are useful in passive aggressive cases where the person has certain disincentives to change. MI helps the person to find a positive balance towards change and away from old patterns.

Coaching is then useful in refocusing the person towards opportunities and the future, teaching self help methods and ensuring a positive environment.

In the first instance drop us an email or use the feedback form to contact us. We can then advise whether we feel we can appropriately assist you.

From 2010 psychological therapy will also contain elements of mindfulness and CBT in order to increase client development between sessions.

We support the coming voluntary regulation of psychotherapy and counselling. Stuart is a CNHC registered hypnotherapist (voluntary regulation of hypnotherapy). 

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Assistance is not just for individuals. Assistance is available for couples, families and those who care for others

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